Happy New Life

Last night, instead of allowing me to mope around home, my good friends Brad and Jan (of Brad Hope Family Martial Arts mentioned in last post) invited me out to Chinese New Year celebrations in Cairns.

Now let me get this straight. I know of Chinese New Year - "Gung Hei Fat Choi" - and I understand it's a big deal in the Chinese community, but what I am confused by are some of the customs:

First of all it's the end of January. Now I know why a lot of my Chinese friends show up to events tardy. As responsible friends we should explain that the dinner starts at Gregorian 7pm not at Chinese New Year (CNY) 7pm.

Secondly, I believe the actual New Year was earlier this week. How many days does this celebration last? Admittedly I like a extended party, but judging from the tired eyes and 'just kill me now' appearance of the restaurant staff, one, maybe two, days would suffice.

Speaking of that, it seems that all asian restaurants try to reap the rewards of CNY. The restaurant we went to was called Limmy's Malaysian Cuisine. Staffed by some lovely Malaysians, Philipinnos and one caucasian lady who stuck out like a sore thumb (she kept giving me a look all night like we were in on some practical joke together). Come on my asian friends, gone are the days where ignorant people claimed they couldn't tell you apart. Stop reinforcing the stereotype. (the food was delicious though)

And what's with the red packets that you give us to feed to the dragon dancers? We're supposed to put money in the packet, feed the dragon, and it gives luck. The more money, the more luck. Seems like a scam to me. There used to be a homeless guy camped out in front of the 7-11 in Vancouver, Canada who used to try the same thing.
But like the lottery, which gives terrible odds and anyone with a brain for economics would tell you it's a bad investment, I decided to take my chances and placed the packet in the greedy dragon's mouth. God knows I could use the luck lately.

The firecracker. Wayyyy better than the plunging Times Square ball. And far more dangerous. I was hit multiple times in the face with shrapnel, kids were screaming, men were ducking in fear. I no longer have to wonder about the horrors of war. I experienced my own personal Apocalypse Now.

Finally, to the owner of the restaurant. Perhaps you shouldn't be offering marriage advice. "If you're unhappy with your wife just trade her in". The only way I will buy into that train of thought is if I get a major upgrade. Because my last wife was the bomb and had more bang than a Chinese New Year firecracker.

Happy New Year friends, may you have the luck of the dragon.

Jimmy

Ps: the author of the blog takes no accountability for the misrepresentation of facts or historical events. And will freely admit his asian friends are quite prompt.

First Day of the Rest of My Life aka HOLY SHIT!

I've being procrastinating starting this blog.  The first couple posts will probably be all over the place and not filled with the insight and humour that I want to express, but here goes:

Although I don't leave until Wednesday on my 10 day journey down the east coast of Australia, today feels like the first day of the rest of my life.

Yesterday was my last day as a salesperson for Australia's #1 telecommunications company (Don't be fooled by their competition, they really do have the best coverage). I'm going to miss my co-workers. Although WAY younger than I am, full of drama, and party animals, they were a great supportive crew. I made some great friends.

I am going to miss the students and staff at Brad Hope Family Martial Arts. Giving me an opportunity to teach Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and offering support when I needed it the most. Hey, maybe I'm the one with the drama issues?

I have four days to wrap my life up in Clifton Beach, QLD. But, considering I have only been here three months, and don't know many people, it should be quite easy. I do regret not saying a proper goodbye to my wife(?), exwife(?), separated spouse(?). I truly think she's amazing. When she stopped by here to talk about possessions, it turned into a shouting match, with me chasing her out the door exclaiming "runaway then". If she's reading this, I'm sorry. Although we disagree on many things as of late and it's presently impossible for us to be together, the amazing years we spent together should overshadow any negativity. If we can't be together, that's fine, but we should at least be kind to one another.
Enough sappy, woe is me, crap! I guess I'm still going through that grieving process. I wish it was more like the '12 days of Xmas process'. I'd like a gift everyday. But what the f'k would I do with 2 turtle doves anyways? Speaking of Christmas. Here's a video I made of myself on my first Christmas day alone. I was trying to motivate and make myself feel better. But it turned into a pile of fromage (that's French for 'cheese' for all my Aussie friends).

And then on New Years Day, because of a new iPhone app I came across, and the fact that I was in a dark place, I made this:

 

I shocked a few friends and family members (My apologies). Although it did get 4 stars on Youtube. I think I'll blow up some famous landmarks on the way to Surfer's Paradise. 

By the way, for ten days leaving February 1st, I will be taking a journey from Cairns, QLD to Surfer's Paradise along Australia's east coast to stay with my friend Elliot (see below) for a bit.

 I'll be stopping at some amazing destinations; Whitsundays, Hervey Bay, The Bundaberg Rum Factory, will hang with my friend Bridget in Rockhampton, and will hopefully escape the floods happening near Brisbane. I'm also hoping for a little nudity along the way.

Jimmy