Get Your Own Stool!

I know a great man. Handsome, charismatic, and highly intelligent. Years ago he met a beautiful, charismatic, highly intelligent woman and they married. They were as close to being the perfect couple as I could imagine.

Now, I am smart enough to know that you should never put people on a pedestal. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. But when I saw how this couple interacted, I couldn't help but put them on the smallest of pedestals. I'd like to think of it as more of a stepping stool. You know, the kind you buy at those big box stores that you use to get the special occasion plates off the top cupboard shelf. See, not a pedestal, a 'stepping stool'.

I used to say to my wife, perhaps a little more subtle than this: "Why can't we agree to disagree like them", or "They are always so supportive of each other, we should try to be more like them". My wife would respond in an 'unsupportive manner', and definitely 'agreed to disagree', stating "they are not perfect, stop putting them on a pedestal". I would smile and succumb to her common sense. She was right of course.

But I still secretly wondered what their secret was.

At the end of 2011 my flawed marriage to the woman, who still takes part in many of my dreams, came to an end. My 'highly intelligent' friend wrote me some wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement that help me get over the humps of sadness I sometimes still feel today. Those words, further solidified my respect and our lifelong friendship.

I received an email from him the other day. The first paragraph was
penned with positivity and good humour. I smiled as I always do when I speak to, or read an email from him.
Moving onto the second paragraph I welled with tears, felt my heart stop, and struggled to catch my breath.
The great, handsome, charismatic, and highly intelligent man and his beautiful, charismatic, highly intelligent wife had separated. I read the email once over, but the tears in my eyes and the confusion in my soul kept me from focussing on the words. So I took a minute, a breath, and shook away the disbelief. I read the email over once more.
My friend, who I had placed on a 'stepping stool' was separated. The couple who could do no wrong in my eyes was no more. My hopes for finding a relationship like theirs was dashed. I lost faith in love.

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I'm smart enough to know better. These thoughts lasted all about ninety seconds before I reined myself back to reality. Through the fourteen months I've been separated I've spoken to, got emails from, and had other well respected friends experience this type of loss. I know all too well that, most of the time, theses circumstances are not personal. And not caused by one particular person. Life happens. People move on. Some move forward. Some keep trying to hold to the past. The spark extinguishes. The flame of passion recedes. But life always moves forward. As hard as it is to explain why we fall in love with one particular person, it's just as difficult to comprehend why we fall out of love with that same person.

My 'great' friend will still be great and his attributes won't falter. If he chooses to love again, he will only attract the best and brightest. Perhaps that spark will reignite. I certainly hope so.
But I can't predict the future. And no matter how much I want to see my friend or myself happy for that matter, life has to take its course.

That being said -

I now know to stop judging myself by other people's 'stepping stools'. It's time to get my own. Everything I have ever wanted is attainable. I just have to go into the closet, and pull out my own 'industrial strength, multi-level, kick-ass, stepping stool'. One that has been built stronger from life and love's lessons. I need to reach for items that make my life a 'special occasion' and contribute to building upon the real me.

In case you're wondering what my stepping stool looks like. Too bad. Not gonna show you. It means you haven't truly read the words on this page. Take a moment, a breath, and shake away your disbelief.

And -

Build your own goddam stepping stool!



Keep reaching, but always stay true to the 'great' in you your own life.

All the best,

Jimmy


I wrote this a few days ago and for whatever reason have just posted it now. Many life impacting events have happened in that time. With that being said, I must say that it's all about perspective:

Over the weekend a friend's father was hit by a car while on vacation in the Cayman Islands. He was medivac'd to the US in serious condition.

This terrible event has given me clarity in regards to my views on love/marriage/life.
The loss of a relationship is incomparable to the loss of a life.
Take stock of those that have an impact in your life, and increase your value to those people who you should be impacting.

First Day of the Rest of My Life aka HOLY SHIT!

I've being procrastinating starting this blog.  The first couple posts will probably be all over the place and not filled with the insight and humour that I want to express, but here goes:

Although I don't leave until Wednesday on my 10 day journey down the east coast of Australia, today feels like the first day of the rest of my life.

Yesterday was my last day as a salesperson for Australia's #1 telecommunications company (Don't be fooled by their competition, they really do have the best coverage). I'm going to miss my co-workers. Although WAY younger than I am, full of drama, and party animals, they were a great supportive crew. I made some great friends.

I am going to miss the students and staff at Brad Hope Family Martial Arts. Giving me an opportunity to teach Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and offering support when I needed it the most. Hey, maybe I'm the one with the drama issues?

I have four days to wrap my life up in Clifton Beach, QLD. But, considering I have only been here three months, and don't know many people, it should be quite easy. I do regret not saying a proper goodbye to my wife(?), exwife(?), separated spouse(?). I truly think she's amazing. When she stopped by here to talk about possessions, it turned into a shouting match, with me chasing her out the door exclaiming "runaway then". If she's reading this, I'm sorry. Although we disagree on many things as of late and it's presently impossible for us to be together, the amazing years we spent together should overshadow any negativity. If we can't be together, that's fine, but we should at least be kind to one another.
Enough sappy, woe is me, crap! I guess I'm still going through that grieving process. I wish it was more like the '12 days of Xmas process'. I'd like a gift everyday. But what the f'k would I do with 2 turtle doves anyways? Speaking of Christmas. Here's a video I made of myself on my first Christmas day alone. I was trying to motivate and make myself feel better. But it turned into a pile of fromage (that's French for 'cheese' for all my Aussie friends).

And then on New Years Day, because of a new iPhone app I came across, and the fact that I was in a dark place, I made this:

 

I shocked a few friends and family members (My apologies). Although it did get 4 stars on Youtube. I think I'll blow up some famous landmarks on the way to Surfer's Paradise. 

By the way, for ten days leaving February 1st, I will be taking a journey from Cairns, QLD to Surfer's Paradise along Australia's east coast to stay with my friend Elliot (see below) for a bit.

 I'll be stopping at some amazing destinations; Whitsundays, Hervey Bay, The Bundaberg Rum Factory, will hang with my friend Bridget in Rockhampton, and will hopefully escape the floods happening near Brisbane. I'm also hoping for a little nudity along the way.

Jimmy