Get Your Own Stool!

I know a great man. Handsome, charismatic, and highly intelligent. Years ago he met a beautiful, charismatic, highly intelligent woman and they married. They were as close to being the perfect couple as I could imagine.

Now, I am smart enough to know that you should never put people on a pedestal. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. But when I saw how this couple interacted, I couldn't help but put them on the smallest of pedestals. I'd like to think of it as more of a stepping stool. You know, the kind you buy at those big box stores that you use to get the special occasion plates off the top cupboard shelf. See, not a pedestal, a 'stepping stool'.

I used to say to my wife, perhaps a little more subtle than this: "Why can't we agree to disagree like them", or "They are always so supportive of each other, we should try to be more like them". My wife would respond in an 'unsupportive manner', and definitely 'agreed to disagree', stating "they are not perfect, stop putting them on a pedestal". I would smile and succumb to her common sense. She was right of course.

But I still secretly wondered what their secret was.

At the end of 2011 my flawed marriage to the woman, who still takes part in many of my dreams, came to an end. My 'highly intelligent' friend wrote me some wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement that help me get over the humps of sadness I sometimes still feel today. Those words, further solidified my respect and our lifelong friendship.

I received an email from him the other day. The first paragraph was
penned with positivity and good humour. I smiled as I always do when I speak to, or read an email from him.
Moving onto the second paragraph I welled with tears, felt my heart stop, and struggled to catch my breath.
The great, handsome, charismatic, and highly intelligent man and his beautiful, charismatic, highly intelligent wife had separated. I read the email once over, but the tears in my eyes and the confusion in my soul kept me from focussing on the words. So I took a minute, a breath, and shook away the disbelief. I read the email over once more.
My friend, who I had placed on a 'stepping stool' was separated. The couple who could do no wrong in my eyes was no more. My hopes for finding a relationship like theirs was dashed. I lost faith in love.

Now, as I mentioned earlier, I'm smart enough to know better. These thoughts lasted all about ninety seconds before I reined myself back to reality. Through the fourteen months I've been separated I've spoken to, got emails from, and had other well respected friends experience this type of loss. I know all too well that, most of the time, theses circumstances are not personal. And not caused by one particular person. Life happens. People move on. Some move forward. Some keep trying to hold to the past. The spark extinguishes. The flame of passion recedes. But life always moves forward. As hard as it is to explain why we fall in love with one particular person, it's just as difficult to comprehend why we fall out of love with that same person.

My 'great' friend will still be great and his attributes won't falter. If he chooses to love again, he will only attract the best and brightest. Perhaps that spark will reignite. I certainly hope so.
But I can't predict the future. And no matter how much I want to see my friend or myself happy for that matter, life has to take its course.

That being said -

I now know to stop judging myself by other people's 'stepping stools'. It's time to get my own. Everything I have ever wanted is attainable. I just have to go into the closet, and pull out my own 'industrial strength, multi-level, kick-ass, stepping stool'. One that has been built stronger from life and love's lessons. I need to reach for items that make my life a 'special occasion' and contribute to building upon the real me.

In case you're wondering what my stepping stool looks like. Too bad. Not gonna show you. It means you haven't truly read the words on this page. Take a moment, a breath, and shake away your disbelief.

And -

Build your own goddam stepping stool!



Keep reaching, but always stay true to the 'great' in you your own life.

All the best,

Jimmy


I wrote this a few days ago and for whatever reason have just posted it now. Many life impacting events have happened in that time. With that being said, I must say that it's all about perspective:

Over the weekend a friend's father was hit by a car while on vacation in the Cayman Islands. He was medivac'd to the US in serious condition.

This terrible event has given me clarity in regards to my views on love/marriage/life.
The loss of a relationship is incomparable to the loss of a life.
Take stock of those that have an impact in your life, and increase your value to those people who you should be impacting.

All Work and No Play...

It's been awhile since I wrote in this blog. I've been so busy living that I forgot that I wanted my living to be about being creative. Hence, starting this blog.

Let's catch up:

Still crashing at my surfer/pool shop entrepreneur friend Elliot's place. I tried giving him money for rent the other day, but he refused. He's like that, generous bastard!
So I bought him a hands free mobile device for his van.

The same van I seem to be using everyday. Did I really buy the device for him or me? Trust me, it was for Elliot. Until two weeks ago he didn't have one song on his iPhone. He didn't know how to transfer it. So I am doing my mate a service by making life easier. That is, when he eventually gets to drive his van again.

I finally landed a job. My mission is to stay on the Gold Coast. Unfortunately there aren't many opportunities for someone with my TV expertise. So in order to stay on the coast I applied for a couple practical, and a few "I have no experience in it, but what the hell" jobs. After losing out on a couple 'fun' positions (Sales and Development rep for a beer brewing company, and Digital Manager for Gold Coast Tourism) I landed a combination of both. I have now joined a cult of sorts. The Cult of Mac. I am selling and giving technical advice at an Apple Reseller called Next Byte. At first I wasn't too enthused (pay not what I want), looking at it as a temporary gig before I found something better. But I'm really starting to like it. Talking about Apple products all day is something I think is fun (Yes, I Am A Geek). 

                                           (not actually me ;)


And, let's just say I'm learning a lot about the inner workings of Macs by some people that are much smarter. That fills in the no 'real work' experience portion of my job find. Not that I was a slouch on a computer prior. But, I now know the difference between an i5 and an i7 processor, can change the ram and hard drives on most laptop and desktop computers, and can sell the shit out of an Apple TV.


I still can't surf well. Surfing is HARD. I'm not a strong swimmer. The left rib I popped out years ago jams into the board when I'm paddling out, making the ride very uncomfortable. I can't seem to get past the surging white water to the calm ocean five meters away. The rip drags me half a kilometer north. And there have been an ever increasing amount of shark sightings along the coast. A guy was bit a week ago.

 The cool thing is he was riding one of my friend Kane's KB boards at the time and they showed it on channel Nine here in Australia. Even sharks love KB boards. (I'm building Kane's website for him, there will be a rough version up by the end of the week - check out www.nightmareshapes.com )

I have cut Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu out for a bit. I've temporarily lost that aggressive edge and feel like a white belt on the mats. I'm going to focus on getting my body back in shape (yoga, pilates, circuit training), meditating, and perhaps stop focusing so much on myself and do some volunteering. 

 

That been said, I spent the weekend, with a cold, drinking, eating crappy food, and haven't done a lick of exercise.

I'm trying to relearn how to be attractive to the opposite sex again. I got complacent when I was married* (See below for note). And some of my mannerisms and attitudes don't play so well on the Gold Coast social scene. Let's face it, I'm kinda weird. 
My goal is to shadow my friend Cuzzy (real name Shane).


He has an ease and naturalness about him that women gravitate to. I start talking to them, but they seem to always end up with Cuzzy. I think they just dig his eyes (according to ladies I've spoken to), and his little pit puppy name Sonny. Friggin' Kiwis!







Honestly I think he's a 'Woman Whisperer'.

        Take these photos from last night as an example: (location Tonic in Labrador, QLD)

*side note:

* "when I was married". How do you refer to someone who you're still married to but separated? She's still technically my wife, but when trying to move on in life it produces a few obstacles. Conversing with women saying "my wife lives in Far North Queensland" may be a little off putting. I know, I know. Just don't mention I'm separated. Well, you give me a good answer to "How long are you staying in Australia?" ..."Oh, how did you get Permanent Residency?". Keep in mind I am having trouble lying as of late. I'm kind of hoping my life life turns out like the movie 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. Except I'd like to skip right to the end. Well, perhaps I'd still keep that sexual montage (minus the crying scene).

Next blog: how I got the finger from a topless woman
Future blog: Gold Coast lifestyle observations aka 'No Shoes, No Shirt = Service'


Live your dream,

 

Jimmy